I was feeling guilty towards her. I saw here doing her prayer in the mosque, then i was just standing there, trying not to let my tears fall. She was praying, for so long, and then she closed her eyes and did sujud, again, for so long.
I pushed my self to approach her, then i shake her shoulder gently. And then i realized that she was also trying not to cry while doing her prayer, but she couldn't help and cried in silent, in her sujud.
I told her what i wanna say, and she told me that she understood, but it wasn't 'it' that made her angry before. She told me that she was trying to hold on there, trying really hard. She told me the problem. And i know it often happened before, that it wasn't her first - and only problem there. But this one is different. Almost all of her room-mates accused her for something that she has never done.
One of her room mate lost the food that she saved in her cupboard, but they took the blame on her. She knew nothing but then again being accused as the one who stole her friend's food. When i heard that story, i was really angry. How could they blamed her when there was not even one prove that that was my sister's wrong-doing. She cried when she told me this story, and she begged me not to let mom knows about this problem, bcs she doesn't want mom to be sad. When we visit her, she always try to look happy, esp when mom receives her call at home, she always told that "yeah it was fun here, i am alright here, don't worry i'm doing my best". I couldn't stand seeing her cried, then we cried together. What really broke my heart was when she said "Kak, i'm tired. I wanna stop, i wanna quit. I regret studying here, i thought that it was fun to study in boarding school, but it wasn't. I should've just took public junior high school in our neighborhood. I couldn't stand it, i wanna quit". That was what she told me.
I told her that i wanna go to her room, i wanna meet them to solve this problem. I promised her that i could calm my self down and talk nicely to them to solve the problem. But then again she said no, she didn't want this problem to be more serious. Her friends will just judge her as a crybaby if i'm trying to solve this problem for her. I understood her feelings but i just couldn't stand to hear that she was treated like that.
I don't know what should i say to her, then i just beg her to try to hold on, it's almost come to an end. Few months to go for you to left this school, i said. No matter how hard it is, please know that He will always be there for you, to protect you, esp when you choose to study here, in an Islamic Bording School, far away from home. He will strengthen you, just try to hold on and do your best here, for the rest until a few months later. Just focus on your study so that you could enter high school in Jakarta and it will be the end for you to be here. Fortunately she understood what i told her, and she promised to focus on her study and do her best in the remaining time.
Ya Allah, i know it's not easy for her. I know she was struggling there, she tried her best to survive there. Ya Allah, please make it easy for her study, keep her away from the bad, keep her away from the things that will interfere her focus. Please give her much strength, and always save her. I'm begging for Your help.... Ya Allah, please make it easy for all of us, aamiin.....
